i feel lonely, and when i'm alone, i get depressed. when i try to be with people, i can't feel anything. emotionally, i'm pretty numb. near emotional paralysis, i suppose. psychosomatic? maybe. but the fact that i can be around people enjoying themselves, and i have to fake it depresses me. i don't dare let anyone on, else they might pity me, or react to it, which would further depress me.
i'm bored with life. i'm not stupid enough or confused enough to bother with suicide (though, the thought passes through my mind). so, i'm stuck here, surviving. it's incredibly boring. and that depresses me, too. but, i wait. i persist.
i needed to get that out on the table.
