the "p" word

it's "patience". it's something that's being tested daily, but not in the you're-trying-my-patience kind of way; more in the i-need-to-learn-to-have-more-patience kind of way.

i feel like i'm running into walls with the lessons. i find that distractions are a great way to cope with impatience, but i really do feel like i'm cheating. and as much as they yield similar results, i'd like to know i had the patience to sit something out. in my head, it's so easy. but then again, just about everything is easier in my head.

old habits yield a familiar outcome

i need to stop second guessing myself. sure, i can allow for a change in feelings. but so suddenly, without warning? i'm overthinking again. how can i stop doing this? it's what i do best.

thinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthink.

i've put some events into motion. if i ever get feedback on them, i'll have a better idea of where i stand, and from there i can find a sturdy place to stand, and i'll attempt once again to keep my balance.

p.s. - i hate my mother.