poe-try

i've been trying my hand at poetry again. let me know what you think

Ultraviolet

Touches of color

Shades

Pigments

You draw me across the spectrum

Electric yellows and firey reds

Into the ultraviolet abyss

Of your heart

You bleed

But your blood is transparent

You've got no color left to give

So you fade out

Always there

An unseen beauty

An invisible rainbow

Rebirth

Left for alive

Left behind

Spade in hand

I attacked the ground

Pierced her flesh

Let her bleed

I found myself inside her

Crawled into her womb

Longing to be born again

Birth never came

If I dig further

Rumor says

I'll reach China

There are lots of people there

fatherhood

sometimes, i think of the little things you do that get me angry. frustrated. manic.

i think to myself, why would you do this? it winds up hurting you, and i have to watch. i watch because you don't listen, and you get hurt. and i have to watch, and that's what makes me angry.

i want to watch you avoid the pain. i want to see you succeed. i want to be at your wedding. i want to watch you find happiness.

sometimes, i think of how mad i get at you. it's at these times that i feel like a parent. like a father. and as crazy as you make me sometimes, i couldn't have asked for a better child.

does anyone know the etymology of the phrase "new and improved"? if you think about it, you'll see that it contradicts itself, for how can something claim to have been improved if it is new?

today marks a tremendous holiday

after almost a month of waiting, i finally received it:

a friend confirmation from one william r. bauer.

now we can be facebook besties! yay!

it's almost like being on a ship on rough seas. i'm rocking back and forth. when i get to one side, i think i know how to stop it. but, before i can see it through, i get shoved over to the other side, and when i'm there, i don't want to end it. it's more that i'm apathetic towards... well, mostly everything.

today, i was jolted to the former of those sides. i need a few months, maybe a year, but i know i can end the rocking.

how to vanish

first, you need to be deemed unnecessary. if no one cares about you, no one will bother to concern themselves with your affairs.

second, you need to be forgotten. when you're forgotten, people can't even acknowledge your presence. at this point, the illusion is complete.

third, you need to disappear. that one's fairly obvious, so i won't explain it. as i said in step two, the illusion completes once you're forgotten. however, the mark of a true magician is that the trick be completed fully. otherwise, you might slip and give the trick away.

filosofee

one week: two coelho books.

it's like getting drunk on philosophy. it's amazing.