grammar II

the adverb 'as':

"I'm running as fast as I can."

"We'll work as best we can."

the first one is, obviously, correct. the second example is in question. is this the result of poorly spoken english, or is it grammatically acceptable? i tend to think it's the former, but it's always good to have verification.

grammar I

this one's more or less directed at jackie, but it's really for debate. the use of the word 'that'.

sample statements:

"I know we're going to succeed."

"I know that we're going to succeed."

usually, i end up just omitting 'that', due to what i feel is redundancy. is it wrong to omit the relative pronoun, or is it truly necessary?

black hole

are there truly some things that one cannot escape from? is life a series circuit, that when one transducer becomes inactive, the entire contraption ceases to function? can one destroy, defeat, knock down and barricade one's opponent, and run far far away and hide from it, only to march back to it without realizing?

is it valid to say that i am no better off than i was years ago, without a means? without a cause? without a purpose?

who am i?

there are certain times of the day when i feel like i'm over. that's it, turn in and start again tomorrow. it's almost a sense of reverse nostalgia, longing for the future. but it's not the asme, because, who can see the future? who dares to know what is yet to be? who dares to guess, with any unwavering degree of certainty?

i am unchanging, and it is my own doing. i, after all, do not wish to be lost again, caught with my pants down and eggs on my face. this will be my fate. i need no omen to tell me.

i dream for a future that will never come, for i am stuck in perpetual today. today never ends, for better or worse.

and how ironic it is, that i sit here at the edge of my bed, daring to predict my future, while knowing that it cannot be known. the future is never known. it is merely speculated. in fact, it's all imagination. yesterday has passed, and the past is no more than a thought. our lives are an instant, ever changing, ever growing, but ever small. a moment is all that can exist at one point. the past is memory, and the future does not exist.

so, who am i? am i a thing? am i capable of love? should i stop breathing until i can travel through these moments to find the one i really like? or, should i continue to speed through them and watch helplessly as the blur by? for now, the vehicle i'm in only knows one speed. i shall do this for now.

what if though, what if? what if it were only as easy as just once? just, everything, only once? wouldn't it be remarkable?

samskritam

i've been teaching myself sanskrit. it's pretty sweet. i can't speak a word of it, but in a few weeks, i hope to be able to fluently pronounce words on the spot; from that point, i'll be able to translate and hopefully build a rudimentary understanding of the language.

pulse

i am overcome with emotions. i put on karn evil 9 by emerson lake and palmer, and i just fell into a trance. i was listening to it by myself, just jamming, and i'm elated. euphoric. on top of the word. breathing life in. i feel... i don't know what it is. i felt this a few weeks ago, and i thought it was me passing a phase in my life. this doesn't make sense. it's as though i'm seeing God. it's the sense that everything is so simple. it's feeling like i'm alone and if i wanted, the whole world would be here. i nearly cried of joy. i laughed. i'm so.... i can't explain it really. i'm breathing pure life essence. i'm high on something. is it the song, or something more that i can't pick up yet? it's amazing.

jazz harmony

i just want to say how much i love this class. it's all the chords and stuff that i love to do.

i wrote a piece the other day using all this big, schmaltzy jazz chords and i gave it to my professor today to look over it. after i handed it to him, i realized that i had suddenly become shaky. i guess i had a reason to be nervous; he's a monster jazz musician. i kind of want him to e-mail me with his reaction, but i'll probably wind up talking to him on wednesday when we have class again. what i'd really like to do is take private jazz theory lessons with him. i think at the end of the semester, i'll ask him about it and see what he says.

otherwise, my classes are going excellently. i can boast (again, but it's worth boasting about) that i'm bauer-free this semester, and i hope to maintain this trend until i graduate. (not likely, but i can dream, can't i?) my electronics class is boring, but it'll be an easy A as long as i do well on the tests. musicianship is a breeze, chorus and guitar ensemble are easy enough and keyboard musicianship, i still have no idea what i'm doing for that class. i'll find out tomorrow as well i suppose.